waiting on a friend,......

There is nothing I could possibly say about love, that is unique, at all.
my love life has been wonderful and horrible just like everybody elses.
But the age old question, "Is it better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all?"

I am not sure.
You cant miss something you never knew.right?
maybe I wish , I never knew love.
It just hurts so much.

TIME WASTED, WASTING TIME

How much time do I waste by complaining about all the time I have wasted?
Time wasted, wasting time.
It so much easier to complain, than to do anything about it.Right?
I have so little to show for the last decade of my life, and now, in my mid-forties, living in Southern california, what to do?
What to do?
I wish I knew.
I want it to be interesting, fun, and somehow, it must be in a musically motivated environment.
Music is my friend.My oldest, and dearest companion.
The one I turn to, that envelopes me so completely, there isn't one part , not covered by musics loving essance.
Happy, sad, angry or glad, there are tunes that never fail.
AC/DC,. Bruce, Counting Crows, U2, and the wonderful Sir Elton John.
Who better than Elton John to sing to on a rainy day.?
"Mona lisas, and Mad Hatters.........."
Have to put my foot and heart out there and find my way home soon, and its scary.

U2 & NASA

musings from a gemini

Artists are special people. I have big love for musicians. They have to endure a life of feeling anguish, and being tortured by everything, and everybody, so that they can write about it, and we can feel like somebody else in the world can relate to us. I am not a musician, but I have been learning to play ta,mborine, and its exhilerating, actually. Because, even though I only play to the radio, sometimes, I get it just right, and it clicks, and for an absolute instant, I am in there!!, I am in!!!, I get to ride for a brief second on that cool music wave, that realm of life that exists whenever magic happens, that layer of something unseen that hits you right at your soul, and fills you with love and joy, that thing that God is, that love is, that music is. And even if its only for a second, and then, I am offbeat again, and I fall out, its so worth it, that one second of being part of something too huge and beautiful to ever explain. And wow, being a musician, and getting to feel like that, more often than a second, must be wonderful, and makes me think creative people, ARE so special. Luckily I know a few, and they share their music with me, so i feel special too.

Keep calm and carry on.
Thats cool.
Its not easy to do is it?Keep calm and carry on.I hate it when somebody tells me. To keep calm.
God, that is annoying. Carry on, well, what else am I gonna do.
Anyway.....
Chances.
Risk.
Give Peace a Chance.
Give Obama a chance.,
Give Love a chance.
Give yourself a chance.
I think we are so preoccupied with being occupied that we have forgotten how to just be.
When I was a kid, there were no video games, etc.
I never walked 10 miles in the snow, barefoot.
But, I did not have games, and computers, and gadgets,
Instead I had me.
I had my sister and my little brother.
We had each other.
We liked each other, I think.
We never really thought about it.
We just were.
And it was.
And thats the way it was supposed to be.
Nobody defined anything.
Nobody analyzed everything.
There we were.
Kids.As we should have been.
In our back yard, there was trees, and a small brook. We lived In Oregon. Gorgeous. Rainy.
That never bothered us. Because, we had a forte to build.
Then one day. We decided.
We had to build a dam.
To save the house.
So, we started digging, and digging, and got some logs, and rocks, and those ugly little crawdaddy
creatures, disapproved, . we did not care.
Until we had a huge pool. Well, we could sit in it. And my sister was pretty fat, so it was big.
And a dam.Success.
Then it was time for dinner, and we ran up the back yard hill, washed our hands, and sat down for spaghetti.
Mommy, dad, Shawn,Aaron, Tracy, My Grandma, and me.
And it was perfect.

holidays

the holidays are tough. why?I dont know. I mean, why do we dread having to handg out with people that love us?And then if we have no one to be with, we are so sad.
I miss my family. Cant understand why I do not contact them.
I guess because when I do, I have to face all the reality my fucked up life has to offer.
I mean real life, is nothing like those stupid"reality"shows. It never goes that easy.
People actually feel something, and its not always so damn great in the end.
Maybe, I need to try not to be so selfish anymore.
I need to get over the fact that it is not about me all the time.
I need to call my mom.
Do you>?

Botox music

I am just realizing how cool The Beatles really were.
They recorded ev erything live, together in the same room. That is the difference, I think with music today.
You loose some of that spontaneous energy that is created when musicicans get together.
with the ever perfecting technology that we are constantly coming up with, we have lost sight of
the beauty of improvisation.
Music is expression.
It has begun to loose that.
Like botox.
No expression.
bands are created by record company employees.
Pieced together like a recipe.
"Hey, I have this great recipe for a successful band., you take one cute guy, one goofy one,
one troubled one, one party animal, and one quiet guy,right?
blonde, brown, brown, long brown, and one maybe black or hispanic guy.,
they all have to dance, right?
Maybe play a guitar, or bass or something, right?
about 23 years old,right.
DEFINATELY, no older than 29.
perfect."
now, they find some really blase songs, some formula that has worked in the past.
like ,: slow instrumental, verse, verse, chorus, verse chorus bridge chorus, stop, big chorus, repeat fade.....
either broken heart, or you dont understand me angst, or the world is fucked, or music is terrific subjects.
Hirfe some real musicians to record the album, send your nely formed pretend band up
to marketing, and developement, and BAM!!you are on your way.
I really love music.
It sets me free.
I started a career in the music industry, along time ago, quit, fell out of sight, for 10myears,
now thiinking I want to return, but its alll different now,.
Gome are the real gems of a talent.
The diamond in the rough that you discovered accidently.
Now, its corpporate America at its best, and its all about quick money.
What happened to substance?
Bruce, Elton, U2, theres a reason why radio keeps playing these guys.
Because they ARE REAL , AND THEY ARE GOOD.
thats it.
Gonna find a place for myself somewhere within a musically motivated environment.